Suddenly so vulnerable

And there it is… suddenly feeling so vulnerable in the midst of this Corona story. In the middle of the storm there is this notion of how it affects me. When I talk to others I recognise the ebb and flow of our emotions. In the course of one day we interchange between anger, sadness, curiosity, insecurity, happy, fear, excitement.

Trying to absorb the imposed distancing as a new way of life. In the meantime being hit by the avalanche of information and online search for connection… There is that strange mix of solitude and loneliness, buried under a pile of information, adopted attitudes and so called aptitudes. Trying to hold on to what? Did anything remain the same? The one holds on to the stars, the other finds solace in nature, a third finds peace in their spirituality… Holding on to something, hoping we have something to say. Pretending we have control over our lives. Even if it’s just a little.

We’re starting to see the effects of this rather sudden change. The first signs of trauma. And all the themes that are popping up for ourselves. Recurring events or patterns, especially really old ones, show their faces again. Have you noticed some of the same life-themes come around again? Did you think you were done working these out?

I’ve been working a lot lately with the different roles or masks. In Psychosynthesis we call these sub-personalities. When we are stuck in a corner, when we try to deal with stressful situations we often see the rise of familiar sub-personalities. We meet them in different forms throughout the day. All of a sudden our ‘critic’ has lots to say about how we are handling our home situation, the ‘little child’ shows up feeling unsafe, the ‘wise’ person pretends to see the bigger picture. Being identified with them means we embody that quality. It’s all we become, showing only one way we react. To understand what they have to tell us we can exercise dis-identification by literally stepping aside.

To start to dis-identify we can take a few pieces of paper (or Playmobil if you have any) and write the quality of the sub-personality on it. We may be able to recognise a crowd. For this exercise you don’t need more than 3 to 5 sub-personalities. Place the pieces of paper on the floor. When you use the pieces of paper you can step on them and see if you take on that role or put on that mask. When you use (Playmobil) figurines place them on a table.

Questions that will help getting a better understanding.
How do they relate to each other? Are they close, oposite, have their backs turned, lying down. Some may form a team, some may be by themselves. Can you see what they are looking at from this point of view? What are their needs? What do they have to say? How do they feel? What would happen if you moved them around? Do they support or contradict one another? Why are they so present in your life during this time?

Practical News
If you find yourself in a muddle, if you’re feeling stuck or regressing please contact me for an appointment. Reach out, get help. We’re all having a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. Call me at 06-24501333 or email

I will pause the Open Floor Dance @Home on Wednesday evening for now. The numbers of participants are dwindling. Most people have mentioned to prefer to dance in real life then online.

I do have two (online) programmes i’d like to offer:

Skinhip… A relationship with your skin.
3-Pods: closed group (3 people) gatherings.

Date: May 7 & 14
Time: 10:00 – 11.30 (CET) Netherlands
No costs

Anyone who feels the lack of physical contact and connection experiences what we call ‘skinhunger’. We know from research we need our bodies to be touched in a kind way to develop healthy psycho-neuro connections. To become stable, sociable, kind people who can handle life.

In the course of one week we will get together in a closed group and explore touch for ourselves. Our skin being the biggest organ of our bodies… what kind of loving touch does it need and respond well to?

If you’re interested in participating in this group please register here.
For me… I too feel the need to listen deeper. I too notice all these different parts of me showing up. What’s being asked of me, personally and spiritually, is a daily practice.

be well, be safe,
Hester Hudig