Auteur: Hester Hudig

What can I talk about?

Geplaatst op door Hester Hudig

What do people talk about when they go into therapy? It basically comes down to whatever you feel you want or need to talk about. So what can I talk about?

The inner reflects the outer.
Any therapist knows that whatever happens during the therapy sessions happens on the outside too. Any personal dynamics between you and your therapist may give you important information. With awareness you can unfold personal dynamics with people in your life by practicing on your therapist.

Your daily life counts.
Whatever comes up for you in your life in between sessions is important. Anything that bothered you, annoyed you, makes you think about all the time, would like to change about your life, things that are strong desires or wishes. They tell something about what you do or don’t want to incorporate in your life. Bring them along to the session. It’s all good information.

Past life experiences.
And I’m not talking about the reincarnation type of life you may have had. I’m talking about the life you lived before you contacted the therapist. Anything that is lingering in your mind, body and soul about what happened. Anything you want clarity about. To gain insight into why and how you do things today.

Share what you’ve learned about yourself.
Did you get new insights about yourself in between sessions. It’s nice to share what you’ve learned. What you know for sure about yourself. It helps to build a strong foundation you can build your new self on.

Keeping things to yourself
Ofcourse there are topics you’d rather keep to yourself. When you feel shame or guilt. When it even feels silly to mention it because you think the therapist will have an opinion about it. Or because the events were shaming… Think about mental, physical, emotional, sexual or spiritual abuse. However it’s good to realise that leaving out important (relevant) information will alter the outcome of your therapy.

Grocery shopping list.
Every now and then you may have no clue what to talk about and you find yourself chatting away about your shopping lists, who put the trash out that week or a daily report on what you did on your vacation. Notice it, mention it and include it into your session. It’s a perfect opportunity to find out why you prefer smalltalk over other topics.

Practice being present.
Perhaps you feel you need to have a topic ready. Not knowing what to talk about can be scary. Sitting in silence can be terrifying. Would it be ok to let the therapist know. “I don’t know what to say. And it’s making me feel…..” You may want to go away from this feeling. Or you may like it.

Celebrate.
Sometimes I have clients who cannot find anything to talk about because life is going really well for them. When I ask them about it they say therapy is only the place to talk about things going bad, not about things going well. Again, like I said before, it’s very important to also talk about your life going well. It helps build a strong foundation. It reminds you that life isn’t all bad. Things come and go. And that you can enjoy those moments of achievement. You can celebrate your life too. And trust me, your therapist will want to celebrate them with you.

It takes two.
Remember… you are not alone in therapy. There is someone sitting across of you who can and is willing to help you figure things out. Including what to talk about. A good therapist may question your topics. Not to make you stop talking about them but to really be sure you’re making a conscious decision about what you bring into therapy.

Enjoy your sessions.

Do more, be less…

Geplaatst op door Hester Hudig

Do more, be less…
In the last few months, roaming around the internet, I notice quite a few posts ending with…’in just 3 lessons you end your childhood trauma’ or ‘in 6 online courses you will find the love of your life’ or ‘read my online book and I will tell you exactly how to generate more clients’. Especially in the ‘softer’ sector, i.e. personal development work, social/ therapeutic work, coaching and holistic work this seems to be the norm nowadays.

What is the idea behind this offer? What I notice within myself is the resistance about the mentality that everything needs to have a ‘quick fix’. That you could resolve everything, if you only used your willpower. And that when it didn’t work for you you must not have put in all your effort. Or not want it badly enough. What makes us believe we need to be better, faster, hight, more active etc? Ofcourse with the least amount of effort, the most affect and not showing that we haven’t got the faintest idea what we’re doing.

The people I meet with my work also wonder if there is a fast and easy way to get rid of their issues. Often followed by an explanation that they just don’t understand what could possibly make them so emotional or exhausted. I understand that huge longing for wanting to feel good. And the wish for the fix to be quick and easy. Sure… We’re all hungry for it. It’s not very comfortable to stay present with our own humanity, our fallibility, our own incapability and our not-knowing.

In the Open Floor I learn to be present with what is going on right now. Not the story I tell myself, but the physical sensations I experience. What movement is that? What is my need? Can I allow myself to give it an expression? Returning with kindness to the moment.

Dancing with mindfulness with its sole purpose to be present, to register, to stay with it (or try to stay with it) and to coach myself, with kindness, back to the dance. An ever repeating exercise to experience and learn that with practice you can contact yourself, your body, your thoughts, your emotions, your knowing and not knowing. And develop more compassion, kindness, for all aspects of yourself… your humor, jealousy, sadness, joy, limitations, strength, anger, solitude, etc etc.

So I invite you to try, discover, investigate kindness for yourself. To be serious about your intent and curious about your practice. To practice, practice, practice, practice, practice…

Then you will get to know repetition, patience, compassion and an open heart. ‘Do less, be more… in the moment.’

Protection of you personal information

Geplaatst op door Hester Hudig

For all my non-Dutch readers…

The 25th of May 2018 the General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) law has been passed.

It’s important to me that your privacy is protected and will do all to comply to this new European law. Therefor you find a cookiebanner asking for your permission.

In the past you may have signed up for my newsletters. I appreciate your interest in my posts.

I will be respect-full of your privacy and commit to never give or sell your information to others.

You are free, at any moment, to sign out of the newsletter via a link at the bottom of every newsletter. You will no longer receive my newsletter. Your personal information will be removed from the mailinglist. (Ofcourse you are free to sign up again if you wish to)

I hope my newsletter will be an inspiration to you.

best wishes, Hester Hudig

Bescherming Persoonsgegevens

Geplaatst op door Hester Hudig

Per 25 mei 2018 is de Algemene Verordening Gegevensbescherming (AVG) van toepassing.

Ik vind het belangrijk dat je privacy beschermt is en zal er alles aan doen aan deze nieuwe wet te voldoen.

In het verleden heb je je aangemeld voor de nieuwsbrieven van Psychosynthese Therapie Rotterdam. Uiteraard vind ik het leuk dat je mij volgt en interesse hebt in de berichten, uitnodigingen, nieuwe ontwikkelingen en aanbiedingen van Psychosynthese Therapie Rotterdam.

Ik waardeer het enorm als mensen (bedrijven/organisaties) voorzichtig met mijn persoonlijke gegevens omgaan. Ik zal met respect omgaan met je gegevens (email adres en naam). Je gegevens zullen nooit met derden gedeeld worden.

Je bent vrij, op elk moment, je af te melden voor de nieuwsbrief via de link onderaan de nieuwsbrief. Je zult geen nieuwe berichten van mij ontvangen. Je gegevens zullen (binnen 4 weken) worden verwijdert van de mailinglijst.

Tot die tijd hoop ik dat de nieuwsbrieven een bron van inspiratie mogen zijn.

What to talk about in therapy?

Geplaatst op door Hester Hudig

What do people talk about when they go into therapy? It basically comes down to whatever you feel you want or need to talk about.

So what can I talk about?

The inner reflects the outer.
Any therapist knows that whatever happens during the therapy sessions happens on the outside too. Any personal dynamics between you and your therapist may give you important information. With awareness you can unfold personal dynamics with people in your life by practicing on your therapist.

Your daily life counts.
Whatever comes up for you in your life in between sessions is important. Anything that bothered you, annoyed you, makes you think about all the time, would like to change about your life, things that are strong desires or wishes. They tell something about what you do or don’t want to incorporate in your life. Bring them along to the session. It’s all good information.

Past life experiences.
And I’m not talking about a previous life you may have had. I’m talking about the life you lived before you contacted the therapist. Anything that is lingering in your mind, body and soul about what happened. Anything you want clarity about. It may give you insight into why and how you do things today.

Therapy creates distance
Just like in the image (above) therapy can create distance by talking, drawing, moving, from your issues. We also talk about dis-identifying from your issues. To put the chaos that’s in your head on paper or in a movement. It creates space and gives you a moment to pause.

Share what you’ve learned about yourself.
Did you get new insights about yourself in between sessions. It’s nice to share what you’ve learned. What you know for sure about yourself. It helps to build a strong foundation you can build your new self on.

Keeping things to yourself
Ofcourse there are topics you’d rather keep to yourself. When you feel shame or guilt. When it even feels silly to mention it because you think the therapist will have an opinion about it. Or because they were shaming… Think about mental, physical, emotional, sexual or spiritual abuse. Leaving out important (relevant) information will alter the effects of your therapy.

Grocery shopping list.
Every now and then you may have no clue what to talk about and you find yourself chatting away about your shopping lists, who put the trash out that week or a daily report on what you did on your vacation. Notice it, mention it and include it into your session. It’s a perfect opportunity to find out why you prefer smalltalk over other topics.

Practice being present.
Perhaps you feel you need to have a topic every time you see your therapist. Not knowing what to talk about can be uncomfortable. Sitting in silence can be terrifying. Would it be ok to let the therapist know. “I don’t know what to say. And it’s making me feel…” You may want to go away from these feelings. Or you may like it. It’s part of the practice to stay present with what is, rather then how it should be.

Celebrate.
Sometimes I have clients who cannot find anything to talk about because life is going really well for them. When I ask them about it they say therapy is only a place to talk when things go bad, not things going well. Again, like I said before, it’s very important to also talk about the good things in your life. It helps build a strong foundation. It reminds you that life isn’t all bad. Things come and go. You may enjoy those moments of achievement. You can celebrate your life too.

It takes two.
Remember… you are not alone in therapy. There is someone sitting with you in the same room who has your best interest at heart.

I like to move it, move it

Geplaatst op door Hester Hudig

In my work as a therapist I often deal with the mind. The mind tends to be overly developed in our society and life. And although it is a vital tool and intricate part of our lives it is not all there is to who we are.

In psychosynthesis we talk about mind, body and spirit. You have a mind, a body and something spiritual that influences who you are, what decisions you make and what we focus on.

Since 2007 i’ve come to know bodywork, movement and dance as a tool to integrate life themes, my personal proces, my way in and my way out. It has grounded me more than sitting meditation, yoga, or any other spiritual and physical practice.

Open Floor International is a new organization with its history in movement meditation, dance, gestalt, psychotherapy, yoga, mindfulness, Dynamic Governance, massage and many more forms or working with mind, body and spirit.

What it comes down to? We humans want to dance. We want to move. We want to heal, feel joy, be inspired. To feel a well-being in our humanness.

What was your red ball?

Geplaatst op door Hester Hudig

I recently found this little video where they really well illustrated the concept of shadow.

A child is being encouraged to walk. The little boy/ girl likes to play with the red ball (something you are passionately about). Father prefers the child to learn to read (= green book). The child gets encouraged to do something they are not passionate about and gets scolded for playing with the red ball. The child unlearn to play with the red ball. (Perhaps you’ve even forgotten you had a natural passion for something). It’s academic skills and successes are being celebrated.

The twist to this video is that the child, when it’s older, still plays with the red ball (still in contact or reconnected with its passion) and asks his father again to play. By reciprocating the request of his child he encourages it’s passion and possibly heals what was put into the shadow.

Shadow work is about the ‘search and rescue work’ we do with all the qualities in you that have been ignored, denied, put aside, scolded, neglected. And as a consequence you have decided, often as a child, to no longer show these qualities.

What are some of the things i’m talking about? Often people talk about relatively small things. However big or small… they all have an incredible impact on our lives. Some of the following phrases may sound familiar to you:

“Boys don’t cry”
“Children should not be heard or seen”.
Women cannot do manly things. Like chopping wood, fixing the sink, car racing, run around in the mud, wearing pants, etc.
Man don’t do womenly things. like cooking, house cleaning, taking care of the children, being a stay-at-home-dad, ect.
“In our family we… (fill in the blanks) don’t scream, don’t dance, don’t curse, are not jealous, we are intellectuals (we don’t play sports), don’t ask for what we want, are altruistic (we have no personal needs), don’t make music, don’t act like a sissy, etc, etc …”.
Often it is not even said explicitly… Perhaps your parents were fighting all the time at home. Outside the house they looked like the perfect family. The message is: Never show what your life is like. You have an insider and an outsider face and behavior. Another example could be that you kept quiet about being gay. However you would never tell anyone because you were raised in a particular environment. The message is: I’m gay. I will not be accepted. Also being raised in a world where all the man work outside the house and all the women are housewives sends you a particular message. The message is: man work outside to house and bring home the money. Women stay home and tend to the house and the children.
We all do what we think or assume is acceptable in our lives. That way we will not loose the love of our parents (family, friends) and we will not be disconnected from the ones we love. (Brené Brown knows all about the subject of being disconnected).

In my work I try to encourage you to reconnect to the part of you that got stifled. What was acceptable in your family (green book)? And what was not acceptable in your family (red ball)?

Moe van de korte dagen?

Geplaatst op door Hester Hudig

Ieder jaar zijn er duizenden mensen die, zodra de dagen korter worden, zich vermoeid voelen. Ruim 10% van de Nederlanders blijkt last te hebben van S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) ook wel winterdepressie of winterblues genoemd.

Wat is SAD?
SAD wordt gecategoriseerd als een subtype van depressie, onder invloed is van de seizoenen. In de meeste gevallen gaat het om winterblues en winterdepressie. Daarnaast bestaat er ook een lente en zomer variant.

Symptomen van een gewone depressie kunnen dus ook voorkomen bij SAD, zoals:
– gevoelens van depressie gedurende het grootste deel van de dag. En bijna elke dag.
– gevoelens van hopeloosheid en waardeloosheid.
– heel weinig energie hebben.
– problemen met slapen. (niet kunnen slapen, te weinig slapen, te veel slapen)
– terugtrekken van de buitenwereld. Weinig sociale contacten en activiteiten.
– veranderingen in je eetlust en gewicht.
– vaak nadenken over de dood en zelfmoord.
– moeite met concentreren.
– weinig interesse in activiteiten die je voorheen wel leuk vond om te doen.

Symptomen herfst- & winterblues zijn:
– vermoeidheid bij opstaan.
– weinig energie hebben gedurende de dag.
– soms veel energie hebben in de avond.
– zwaar gevoel in hoofd, armen en benen.
– geïrriteerdheid
– gewichtstoename
– sterke behoefte hebben aan koolhydraten en producten met suiker.
– verslapen of na het opstaan weer in slaap vallen.
– meer slaap nodig hebben dan normaal.

Symptomen lente- & zomerblues zijn:
– moeite met slapen (slapeloosheid).
– weinig tot geen eetlust.
– gewichtsverlies.
– geïrriteerd en angstig

Hoe kom je de winter (en zomer) door?

1. Beweeg. Ga meer bewegen of sporten. Bij voorkeur in de ochtend en buiten. Ook al is het bewolkt je zult toch nog een hoop daglicht (en Vitamine D) meekrijgen.

2. Ga naar buiten. Het begint al in de lente waarbij we de lage lentezon nodig hebben om onze voorraad vitamine D aan te maken. De zomerzon is daarvoor te fel. Maar ook in de herfst en winter is het belangrijk naar buiten te gaan. Ga buiten sporten, tuinieren, wandelen en fietsen (naar werk, winkel, e.d.) of op een bankje zitten.

3. Let op je voeding. Je zult een grotere of mindere behoefte aan voeding hebben. Voor de winterblues zijn koolhydraten en suikers zeer in trek. Vervang met name suikerhoudende voedingswaren met een natuurlijke variant zoals vruchten (geen sap). Eet meer seizoensgroenten. In kolen, aardappelen, uien, wortelgroenten zitten bijzonder veel vitaminen, met name in boerenkool.

4. Creëer ritme. Sta elke dag op op dezelfde tijd. Zelfs als het de avond ervoor laat geworden is. Het blijkt beter te zijn om op tijd op te staan en een middagslaap van 30 minuten te doen. Ga naar bed op dezelfde tijd. Eet drie keer per dag, bij voorkeur omstreeks dezelfde tijd. Sport in de ochtend. Doe rustige dingen in de avond.

5. Pas je huis aan. Mensen met winterblues hebben behoefte aan veel licht. Zorg dat je huis licht is. Lichte muren, gordijnen, en veel lampen aan. Doe zo veel mogelijk je gordijnen open (als dat kan). Vervang desnoods je donkere gordijnen en muren voor een lichtere kleur.
Mensen met zomerblues ervaren het omgekeerde. Verduister je slaapkamer. Zorg ook hier dat je ritme in je dagen aanbrengt.

6. Breng licht in je leven. Veel mensen met SAD hebben een speciale wekker en/of lamp aangeschaft die daglicht simuleert. Een speciale wekker simuleert het ochtendgloren. Deze gaat gedurende een half uur (vóór de ingestelde alarmtijd) steeds feller branden waardoor je lichaam zich voorbereidt om wakker worden.
Je kunt ook achter een daglicht lamp gaan zitten. Belangrijk is dat je dit alleen in de ochtend doet, dat de lamp niet verder dan 50 cm van je vandaan staat en dat je dit ten minste 30 minuten doet. Je kunt de lamp op de eettafel zetten of naast je pc op je werk. Doe dit ongeveer 3 keer per week totdat je voelt dat je weer normaal wakker wordt. Dit kun je een aantal keer herhalen gedurende de wintermaanden.
Gebruik niet te fel licht in je gewone lampen. Het witte/ blauwe licht (zoals je dat kent van je computer of mobiel) geeft het soort licht dat je juist wakker houdt. Ga ook niet te laat op de avond nog veel achter je pc zitten werken.

7. Wees zacht voor jezelf. Het kan al zwaar genoeg zijn om je niet helemaal 100% te voelen. Het helpt over het algemeen niet als je daar ook nog allerlei meningen en oordelen over hebt. Het beoefenen van meditatie kan helpen zachter met jezelf om te gaan. Om in het nu te leven. Om te ervaren dat je een lichaam hebt en niet bent. En dat dit alles niet je humeur hoeft te beïnvloeden.

8. Reik uit naar anderen. Eén van de valkuilen is dat je jezelf isoleert. Vertel op z’n minst aan een goede vriend of vriendin hoe het voor je is om weer zo’n winterseizoen in te gaan. En weet dat je niet alléén met dit probleem zit. Gun jezelf de steun van familie en vrienden tijdens deze periode.

9. Reik iets verder uit. In de zwaardere situaties waarbij je niet meer normaal door de dag komt is het goed iets verder uit te reiken. Ga naar je huisarts, een therapeut of psycholoog. Bespreek mogelijkheden en opties. Laat je desnoods doorverwijzen. Zoek professionele mensen voor lichttherapie, sport, gespreks- & lichaamstherapie, alternatieve en/of reguliere medicatie, meditatie, yoga, e.d. Zorg dat je niet langer hoeft te ‘overleven’.

(Ik heb veel informatie gevonden op de website van de Mayo Clinic http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/seasonal-affective-disorder/basics/definition/con-20021047)
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